RETURN OF THE MACK

I'm back as a newly 25 year old.

A few days ago I celebrated my 25th birthday. It wasn't anything particularly special, but it was nice. I actually strongly dislike celebrating my own birthday, because I've always had the most lame birthdays in the past. For this reason I refuse to have expectations or make big plans. The actual day of my birthday I had to work, which was fine. I wouldn't have had anything to do if I was off work anyways. But I flew home and spent the rest of the weekend in the Bay Area with friends and family. I didn't do anything unique, but did get treated to breakfast and lunch which was great.

I had convinced myself that I was not having a quarter-life crisis. But with time I realized, I was indeed having a quarter life crisis, just in a more subtle manner. I think most people have a crisis of some sort because they don't have their shit together. But thats opposite for me. I have my shit together. I have a great career using my degree. I make decent money and live comfortably. I know a lot of people my age would kill to be in my shoes. But even with all these amazing blessings my heart desires other things. I wish to be traveling, meeting new people, seeing new sights, getting my hands dirty in a non-profit, or using my creativity to produce some beautiful.  It kind of freaks me out that I am not doing these things. 

This past month I piled too much on my plate, and for once my life felt overwhelming. With the loss of friends (and someone I considered my one true love) to new and distance cities I told myself the best way to live was to keep myself completely engaged at all times. It got to the point where I had some type of activity planned out every. single. day. At first it seemed like a great idea, but living that type of lifestyle became tiring. I almost didn't have time to do the most basic things like laundry or enjoying a glass of wine while eating pizza and watching trashy reality TV on Hulu. Lets be real, those things matter! We all need some down time to unwind. 

So I dropped out of some activities and started saying no to invites.  And now I feel like I can breath a lot easier. I mean I still feel like I am juggling a lot, but its more manageable now. I am excited and ready to pick up blogging again. Most importantly, I am ready to give it a lot more effort than before. 

 Here is to 25 treating me right!

HAPPY SEPTEMBER

 

I'm still feeling the funk you guys. Everyday is kind of different, some good and some bad. I feel like I am getting the bunt of everything at work, its honestly like a roller coaster. Most days at work I am bored! Yes, two months in and I am bored out of my mind. I never have anything to do! On a good day I'll have 4 hours worth of work, but then I still have a half day of nothing but to read the same shit over and over again. Now imagine doing that 5 days a week! And there are moments at work when I am stressed out or put on the spot. Thankfully those moments don't last very long, but still. To be bored all day and then have your blood pressure spike. Maybe, I am overreacting a little bit. I am just a natural worrier and when I am put on the spot I want to do well.

But honestly when I spend the day at work not doing anything, it kills me. I could be doing something more productive--running, working out, writing my book, anything besides staring at a screen for hours on end.

The book writing is going well. Hard work. But well.  There are times when the words flow so easily, and other times where I have no idea where to go next. The first few weeks I was focused on making everything sound really well. So the first two chapters are excellent. But then I got impatient, and I didn't want to loose the ideas I had in my head. So now I am just cranking away and writing as many chapters as I can. I thought I'd at least get the main plot going and finish the story and then go back in and fill in everything else. The last part would be touching it up and making it sound nice. I honestly wish I hard more time to write. Its all I want to do right now, but I have Spanish classes 2x and now Dodgeball on Wednesdays.  That doesn't leave much time during the week, plus I am training for my 10k next month. My best writing is done on the weekends. I head to the coffee shop on the corner early in the morning and stay there for half the day. I get a lot done. Ultimate goal is October to have the whole first book done. I'm shooting at about 60k-65k words.

My September goals are not to focus too much on my birthday (its honestly always a flop), to run my little heart out in preparation for the halloween 10k, and to write write write!

UNCONTENT

Life is draining me lately.  Even though everything appears right on the outside, it just doesn't feel right at all. Lets start with my new job. I've been wanting this job forever and thought it would be a life saver in terms of my happiness. And let me first say I am completely blessed to have this position. But this job is draining me! Not in the way that I am completely stressed out and in over my head, but quite the opposite. I am completely bored and unproductive!  Most of the time I am completely bored, and have absolutely nothing to do. Out of my 8 hour work day I average only 2-4 hours where I actually have work to do. The rest of the day I have to make-up work for myself to do by reading, and reading, and reading over again. Do you know how hard it is to read the same thing over again every day for 2 months straight? Its brutal. It's killing me being so bored and unproductive to the point where I just feel like my soul is being sucked out of me. 

I also miss traveling so very much. Its been a dream of mine to travel more, and I have been doing more of it. Like when I went to Mexico City this past April. But I just thought it would be more frequent and more extensive since I now have a steady income that allows me to save money. My pinterest is filled with pictures of far away places that I long to see. And yet, its going to be another year before I have the time to actually go where I want. It seriously makes my heart hurt a little. And I have money saved up too. If its not one thing its another.

In my perfect world I would write, sell books, travel around the world, and live with the love of my life.

Theres gotta be more to life!