YO CREO QUE...

If you would have told me that at any point in my life that I would be spending a Saturday Evening, sitting in a bar, amongst strangers, in Tijuana, speaking Spanish (of course) I would have never believed you. Never ever. In a million years.

But never say ever, right verdad? That is exactly what I did this past weekend. I went to Tijuana with my Spanish teacher (and some of her other students/friends/family) for some food, drinks, and karaoke. I drank white wine from my favorite winery. I listened to live Mariachi music. I laughed, and listened, and practiced. I fell in love with the metropolis across the border. No anxiety. Just pure joy of talking to strangers and learning their stories. I became inspired. Many had traveled the world, learned more than one language, and experienced what life had to give them. I couldn't help but be enriched by their stories and be filled with desired to see everything that is out there. I pushed my personal boundaries this weekend, by doing something on my own. I went to a new place with new people and I enjoyed every. single. second.

I am at a point in my life where I am being more independent than I ever have been. I once feared being isolated. I felt extreme anxiety over having to do something or go somewhere by myself. And now I accept it and I embrace it. For the past year I tried to run away from it, literally, to only be brought back to the same point. I moved back to San Diego where are my closest friends were, only for them all to move away within 2 months to begin their new lives elsewhere. It stung. I felt like the connections and relationships I was so desperately seeking, left as soon as I got a chance to experience them again. I can't help but feel that it is all happening for a reason. or two. or three.

It is clearer than ever that it is meant for me to be alone at this time in my life. I have only two main goals right now in my life: to write a published novel and to travel the world. If I were not alone I might be distracted from doing those two things. If my life was packed with social events that would take away the free time that I now use to write. If I had people or relationships holding me back, they would cause me to be more reluctant to leave in the first place. I remember feeling that way when I was in college. I almost never wanted to leave and go home in fear that I would miss something exciting when I was away. If I had a steady relationship, I would not have gone through a break-up that would help create the fuel that inspires some of the hardest scenes I have had to write. Everything happens for a reason. And I've grown wise to learn to listen instead of running away. There is a time and place for everything. There will a time for me to have strong relationships. a best friend. to fall in love. But right now is not that time. Right now is the time I focus on myself and conquer some goals.