With all of my close friends officially moved out of San Diego, life just hasn't felt the same for me. I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but I feel like I am back to square one again. You know all the loneliness I was feeling before I moved back down to San Diego? Its back, but in a smaller amount. Its such a shame honestly. I know the things that make my soul happy and complete, and yet I can never wrap my hands around all of those things at once. Maybe that complete feeling can last days, weeks, sometimes months. But I feel like it is not an everlasting feeling, and it really just sucks. I hate feeling like something is missing, like there is a void that I can never fill.
So the simple option would be to reconnect with other friends and make new friends. And I have been doing that. It just kind of sucks pestering people to ask when they are going to do things, and asking them not to forget to include me. I just know people like doing group things, and I no longer have a group of people to invite. At the same time I guess I could be more aggressive in hanging out one-on-one with people which would lead to more group hangouts, meeting new people, and establishing deeper relationships as a result. Actually, that will be my goal for September. And in terms of meeting new people, I signed up for a dodge ball league. Yes, good old fashion dodge ball which is one of my favorite things on this earth. No, I cannot throw a ball. Hopefully, I can dodge a wrench. I honestly am not that great at dodge ball, but I love playing! So playing I will do, starting two weeks from now.
On top of my 40-hour work week (which work has been better, but still boring), my Spanish classes 3 hours a week, and whatever else I do in between then, I've picked up a new hobby. This hobby is actually a life-time hobby that I've decided to do more often--in fact daily. Writing is my hobby! And I'm sure you're saying blogging isn't writing or if writing is your hobby then why aren't you blogging every day.
I want to be 100% real here:
Sometimes I feel like blogging is just like putting on a broadcast. You are writing what you want, but you are doing it in a way to seem appealing. I find myself getting tired from doing that. I just want to live my life and enjoy the moments without wondering if I am typing something that sounds cool, or taking a good picture. I simply want to write what I think and how I feel. And I've been doing this forever! Since the tender age of eight I've kept a diary, in some way or form. I used to run a website before blogging became popular. I still have the passwords for two livejournal accounts that have been in existence for almost 10 years. These journals are my babies. Besides being my outlet in which I could express myself and document everyday occurrences of my life, they have been a marker. Every now and then I go back and read old entries and I can see how much I have grown in how I think, how I handle situations, and overall as a person.
And lately, I've been having so many ideas swirling around in my head, and I just been wanting to write them down. And so I have, except this time not in a journal, but in the form of a book. or two. or three. Yes, I am in the process of writing a book series. Well, I'm on the first book haha. Its fun, its exciting, its allowing me to be creative, and expand a hobby thats been near and dear to me since I was a little girl.
Another inkling I've had is the desire to leave my mark on the world. I guess that is another part of why my void is so big. Yes, my job is rewarding and I feel a sense of gratification most days. But I want a physical representation of 'my mark'. A published paper, book, non-profit organization, product, kit, or whatever it may be that I decided to do. And even if all that becomes of it one person reading my book then that is more then enough. Knowing that I used my God give talents and passions to produce something physical to give back to this world, would definitely help fill one puzzle of this void.
No that doesn't mean I am leaving this blog. I will still definitely be updating. This after all, is another favorite hobby of mine. Just know that sometimes my hands (and head) might be more focused on a different writing activity, that I hope to share with you all in the near future.
No comments:
Post a Comment